Alright, for those of you who at least pseudo enjoyed Sucker Punch
, here is Bitch Slap
!
, here is Bitch Slap!Bitch slap may not have the killer soundtrack of Suckerpunch
, nor its high budget, but, what it lacks in those areas, it makes up for in nudity.
, nor its high budget, but, what it lacks in those areas, it makes up for in nudity.It could be described as Die Hard... With Boobs. Lots of action, lots of boobs. (I could have used a bit more nudity, but, they manage to make it sexier with only trace amounts)
As a female, I gotta say, I really enjoyed watching this movie with one of my partners. Call me crazy, but I give it four stars!
Girls. Guns. Catfights. Explosions. Lesbian romances. A story of bad guys, booty, alliances, betrayals, and secrets.
Oddly, it gives us little to think about. It reexamines modern assumptions of culture, identity, and language.
It does, however, open with a Joseph Conrad quote: "The belief in a supernatural source of evil is not necessary; men alone are quite capable of every wickedness." We see the word "men" and automatically think it's a blatant anti-male message. But by the end of the film, it's made abundantly clear that women are just capable of being wicked.
Equality through evil. Odd message, but funny.
This movie is irredeemably enjoyable, preposterous in both its story and its characters yet magnetic as a satire disguised as a schlocky male fantasy.
This movie is irredeemably enjoyable, preposterous in both its story and its characters yet magnetic as a satire disguised as a schlocky male fantasy.
It tells the story of three bad girls, all smoking hot, who find themselves in a plot to extort diamonds and weapons from an underworld kingpin, whose identity is a secret.
(so no, it isn't exaaaactly a rip off of suckerpunch)
The redhead is Hel, presumably short for Helen (Erin Cummings); she seems to be the leader of the group, tough but levelheaded, able to see the big picture and plan accordingly.
The blonde is Camero (America Olivo), an oversexed hothead who's on medication. She's one of those people that hates everyone and is mad about everything, and has the dialogue to prove it.
The brunette is a stripper named Trixie (Julia Voth), always upset, always overwhelmed, always wanting to play by the rules.
Every opportunity is taken to flaunt their feminine assets, and boy, do they have them - a basic shot is a slow-motion close-up of heaving breasts and deep cleavage, although, to be fair, some time is also set aside for bare legs and violence.
Every opportunity is taken to flaunt their feminine assets, and boy, do they have them - a basic shot is a slow-motion close-up of heaving breasts and deep cleavage, although, to be fair, some time is also set aside for bare legs and violence.
There's never a moment when they aren't wearing high heels or don't have makeup painted on their faces. And then there are times when they pause to do a little manual labor, such as digging in the middle of the desert. My, but it's burning hot, and ... is that a bucket of water sitting there? Maybe they should splash each other playfully in order to stay cool...
Things will heat back up later on, when Trixie and Hel discover that their feelings for one another are deeper than they first imagined. That's about when the situation goes completely out of control. Loyalties change. Identities are revealed. People get shot. Things blow up. And did I mention the catfights?
Intertwined with this is a ridiculous but somehow appropriate subplot about a notorious criminal known only as Pinky, never dealt with directly and never seen but fabled to be the most dangerous criminal mastermind who ever lived. When Trixie innocently brings up the subject, Hel and Camero speak in the same tones as someone telling a ghost story around a campfire.
Intertwined with this is a ridiculous but somehow appropriate subplot about a notorious criminal known only as Pinky, never dealt with directly and never seen but fabled to be the most dangerous criminal mastermind who ever lived. When Trixie innocently brings up the subject, Hel and Camero speak in the same tones as someone telling a ghost story around a campfire.
This movie is, essentially, a cross between an erotic photo shoot and a silly crime caper, one that has been fed into a low-tech special effects mill.
For $3, it has my "get" vote!
. However, if you are more looking for which brand is the best, then I would say to look no further than the 
.
is the way to go.
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did just what it claimed, it taught me to squirt. I was talking with one of my female lovers who squirts virtually every time we make love, and complaining that I'd never been able to do it, and, that she couldn't "do it" to me.
if you need some toys specifically designed to make you squirt!
is technically under the "pornography" section, it isn't. (though it is graphic, it is not really "porn")
is very unimaginative, and, most importantly, her orgasms come across (pun?) as fake. And, for Bree, that's saying something, because she is an excellent actress the majority of the time (which leads me to believe that her orgasms are simply real, as, she's terrible in this film)
.
is, even for one experienced as I, a must buy. For $15 amazon will ship it do your door in discreet packaging. Nobody will know what is in the box, and, this step by step DVD will provide all the information you'll need.
it as such.
. The message oil makes the Magic Wand slide smoothly and sensuously across the skin. 
were technically a dildo, or, if they got their own, beaded category...
unless you wanna be pretty grossed out when you take them out (