Alright, for those of you who at least pseudo enjoyed
Sucker Punch
, here is
Bitch Slap
!
It could be described as Die Hard... With Boobs. Lots of action, lots of boobs. (I could have used a bit more nudity, but, they manage to make it sexier with only trace amounts)
As a female, I gotta say, I really enjoyed watching this movie with one of my partners. Call me crazy, but I give it four stars!
Girls. Guns. Catfights. Explosions. Lesbian romances. A story of bad guys, booty, alliances, betrayals, and secrets.
Oddly, it gives us little to think about. It reexamines modern assumptions of culture, identity, and language.
It does, however, open with a Joseph Conrad quote: "The belief in a supernatural source of evil is not necessary; men alone are quite capable of every wickedness." We see the word "men" and automatically think it's a blatant anti-male message. But by the end of the film, it's made abundantly clear that women are just capable of being wicked.
Equality through evil. Odd message, but funny.
This movie is irredeemably enjoyable, preposterous in both its story and its characters yet magnetic as a satire disguised as a schlocky male fantasy.
It tells the story of three bad girls, all smoking hot, who find themselves in a plot to extort diamonds and weapons from an underworld kingpin, whose identity is a secret.
(so no, it isn't exaaaactly a rip off of suckerpunch)
The redhead is Hel, presumably short for Helen (Erin Cummings); she seems to be the leader of the group, tough but levelheaded, able to see the big picture and plan accordingly.
The blonde is Camero (America Olivo), an oversexed hothead who's on medication. She's one of those people that hates everyone and is mad about everything, and has the dialogue to prove it.
The brunette is a stripper named Trixie (Julia Voth), always upset, always overwhelmed, always wanting to play by the rules.
Every opportunity is taken to flaunt their feminine assets, and boy, do they have them - a basic shot is a slow-motion close-up of heaving breasts and deep cleavage, although, to be fair, some time is also set aside for bare legs and violence.
There's never a moment when they aren't wearing high heels or don't have makeup painted on their faces. And then there are times when they pause to do a little manual labor, such as digging in the middle of the desert. My, but it's burning hot, and ... is that a bucket of water sitting there? Maybe they should splash each other playfully in order to stay cool...
Things will heat back up later on, when Trixie and Hel discover that their feelings for one another are deeper than they first imagined. That's about when the situation goes completely out of control. Loyalties change. Identities are revealed. People get shot. Things blow up. And did I mention the catfights?
Intertwined with this is a ridiculous but somehow appropriate subplot about a notorious criminal known only as Pinky, never dealt with directly and never seen but fabled to be the most dangerous criminal mastermind who ever lived. When Trixie innocently brings up the subject, Hel and Camero speak in the same tones as someone telling a ghost story around a campfire.
This movie is, essentially, a cross between an erotic photo shoot and a silly crime caper, one that has been fed into a low-tech special effects mill.
For $3, it has my "get" vote!
. Although she doesn't do too much porn, she more does softcore films such as Filthy Whore
and Trasherella
.
's collective works!
There is another option, indeed. And that is, to simply find porn actresses who look enough like the beauty so as to transpose our fantasy to film.
(left)
. 
Teagan Presley does not disappoint!
is another favorite... ah, but I think I'm getting distracted!
"
the same way I am with vampire movies: Extremely tolerant.
" is actually a remake of an older film. The basic premise is that a woman gets raped by a town of rednecks, and then picks them off one by one in a rather grotesque splatterfest of gory revenge.
, then I honestly can't tell if you'll like this movie. I HATED the original. I felt it had a very good premise that was poorly executed and in the end just came across as offensive (by the way, I'm female). I thought the concept was good but the manner in which the protagonist went about her revenge was stupid! If a woman has been raped, the very last thing she'd ever be comfortable doing is stripping off in front of the very men who raped her, no matter what her end objective may be! At this point the original made me angry. There's only so much believability I'm willing to sacrifice when I watch a movie - and I'd had enough. 
', a movie I, and many others in the same movie theater, ended up walking out of. When I saw this movie, no one walked out! 
' and get the adult humor, the children who don't get those jokes don't dislike the show any less - they just don't get the whole picture. I don't want to spoil the movie so I won't go into details but the final death was sheer genius. The reversal of roles determining who's the one pulling the strings now! Loved it! 
, nor its high budget, but, what it lacks in those areas, it makes up for in nudity.
did just what it claimed, it taught me to squirt. I was talking with one of my female lovers who squirts virtually every time we make love, and complaining that I'd never been able to do it, and, that she couldn't "do it" to me.
if you need some toys specifically designed to make you squirt!
is technically under the "pornography" section, it isn't. (though it is graphic, it is not really "porn")
is very unimaginative, and, most importantly, her orgasms come across (pun?) as fake. And, for Bree, that's saying something, because she is an excellent actress the majority of the time (which leads me to believe that her orgasms are simply real, as, she's terrible in this film)